Nothing Like Us
by Maii025
Summary: Femslash. Set in Fury's secret base, after all HYDRA chaos started. Everyone knew agent May was a sparing person and quite an enigma but no one knew exactly why, not even Coulson. That was until a female agent arrived at Provindence base carrying all May secrets with her.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I needed a SHIELD's femslash and I didn't found anything that convinced me. I just don't think that Skimmons is such a great couple because I see them like sisters (I can't help it, sorry) but May… She's so sparing and such an enigma that I think she MUST have a secret from her past. I've found so many stories involving a May/Coulson past but the idea doesn't appeal to me. I think her past must involve a woman and great suffering and stuff like that. So here I go. I know nothing about Marvel's world so forgive my mistakes! Any comments, reviews, ideas and advices are totally welcome.

Ps: I suck at titles, always have. I was already uploading this story and it hadn't have a name yet. But the song "Nothing like us" was playing on my computer (I don't know why I have it since I'm not a Justin Bieber's fan or anything) and the lyrics just made sense to me. So

Pss: English isn't my first language so forgive my grammar and spelling mistakes too. Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, obviously, except from Dorian Haykes and Lisa Hastings' characters and the storyline in this fic. No profits or copyright violation intended. This is just for fun.

...

**Nothing Like Us. Chapter 1.**

Since they had arrived at Fury's secret base in Provindence it had been difficult days for everyone in Coulson's team, with Garret out of their radars, Ward being a traitor, agent Hand dead and the US government following them. But at least the place was secure once more because Stark Enterprises was taking care of it so they made it their base and their home.

Seemed like Coulson's badge hadn't been the only one with a little trick from Fury, so some others Shield's agents had been arriving from time to time, and soon all the facility bedrooms had been full of people. Since Koenig had been killed and Hill had left the base because she had other issues to take care of, Coulson was the highest-ranking agent and the one giving the orders there. He had set a schedule of activities even when he didn't know well where they were standing because everyone just seemed lost without anyone telling them what to do. So they woke up around seven every day, had regular meetings at eight where Coulson's handed them the obligations for the day and then everybody put their heads on their work until six in the afternoon, when they had another group meeting. And the schedule seemed to be working just fine for everyone.

Since the day Coulson's team had rescued Skye twenty agents had joined them in the base, male and female of all ages and ranks. Fitzsimmons had improved the lie detector so every agent who arrived and didn't have a special badge like Coulson's had to sit there and prove they were trustworthy. The couple was sure that now not even Ward could fool them. All agents had been separated in groups of five and had been in different missions. The result so far had been five Fridge former prisoners eliminated, armament, munitions and supplies recovered from a some abandoned Shield bases, two planes recovered and repaired and the installation of a secure line to be in constant connection with agent Hill. So even when they were just little achievements in the war they were fighting, Coulson could still be proud of them.

That particular day was nothing different from all the others at the secret base. After six days of intense work Coulson had given them a 'free day' so everyone was trying to find something to do. May was in the gym training, fighting with an agent almost her age called Dorian Haykes. He had arrived two days after Coulson's team had rescued Skye and was a specialist like Ward had been. Only that this man wasn't a traitor, or that was what everyone assumed, and was much more nicer that Ward had ever been to anyone. He was tall and brunette, had strong arms, a seductive deep voice and, according to Skye, a hot smile. May had shook her head when the younger woman had said that but she thought the same way as her. He was level 8, was efficient and responsible, accepted and compliment every assignment Coulson gave him, was an excellent fighter and even better in bed. And that was everything Melinda May needed to know.

"Easy woman" Haykes said to her when she threw a kick at him violently "We're just training" May didn't say anything but defended herself when the man attacked her back "You're a sneaky one"

May smirked and kicked back. Lately she had been feeling frustrated and angry about all the Shield/HYDRA situation but especially about Ward fooling them all. She felt personally betrayed and felt terrible because she hadn't seen the situation comming and that pissed her off so badly she almost couldn't bare it. Fighting relentlessly with Haykes always calmed her nerves. It also turned her on so at the end of the day she could say she was ready for another HYDRA round with her body satisfied and her mind clear. She was already sensing a good sex session after their training when someone walked into the gym. She didn't bother looking at the newcomer but then she heard Skye gasping and stopped to look at her a bit annoyed.

"What?" she asked roughly.

"Simmons made pancakes and asked me to come tell you" the younger woman said a little taken aback. As young as she was, Simmons was acting all motherly on the agents and used to make pancakes for all of them when she had the chance. May inhaled deeply before replying, trying to sound nicer this time.

"Thanks Skye, I'll be there in a minute"

Skye smiled satisfied and left and May found Haykes smiling teasingly at her. She knew why that smile was: he said she truly care about her team and had a soft spot for them. Which deep inside her was true but she hated him implying it because it made her feel weak. And agent Melinda May hated feeling weak..

"Not a word" she said picking her towel and leaving the gym after Skye.

Even if you didn't know the base at all the dinner room was easy to find in "pancakes days", as everybody called them, because the twenty five agents gathered there and the place was a mess of voices, laughters and sounds of things falling to the floor. Even May found it oddly relaxing and enjoyable. She sat between Fitz and Skye and ignored Haykes glances from the other side of the room.

"He likes you" Skye sing-sang quietly and May glared at her, not that it was any useful because Skye wasn't afraid of her anymore. Fitz choked with his pancake but no one paid any attention to him because in that exact moment the bell of the base main door rang and everybody went quiet.

"I'll go get it" Coulson said like it wasn't a big deal. The true was, each time that bell rang was kind of a big deal because every agent that arrived was a potential HYDRA agent.

"I go with you" May said getting up and following Coulson to the door, holding her arm firmly on her hands, Tripplet and Haykes close behind them. Checking the visor quickly to make sure there wasn't an army on the other side of the door Coulson opened it and a single woman stepped in.

The woman was in her fourties and had an alert yet confident expression. She was wearing snow camouflage clothes and came in with her hands up; her dark blonde hair was messed up because of the strong wind outside.

"I'm Lisa Hasting and my badge took me here" she said calmly. Tripplet and Haykes put down their weapons and relaxed a little bit while Coulson approached the woman to welcomed her. But May couldn't move, her mind racing with chaotic thoughts and her body filled with long forgotten emotions. She was staring directly to the most beautiful and painful ghost of her past.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **In order for this story to make sense, Bahrain did happen but Coulson wasn't involved in it and didn't know May back then; he just knew the legend and met May right after it. Also, May didn't leave the field after that mission, but she did lost herself there.

In this chapter and from now on I'm writing some things in italics. Those things are memories of the character currently carrying the story. Hope it doesn't get confussing.

Hope you enjoy the reading and forgive me for my mistakes. Please review! Thanks people, I already love you :)

…

**Nothing Like Us. Chapter 2.**

Lisa had the distant feeling that the man in suit was talking to her but she couldn't manage to listen to him, her eyes fixed on the brunette asian woman standing near behind him with her gun still pointing at her. When the man turned his head to see what she was looking at so intently she forced herself to refocus in the situation in hand.

"Agent Hastings?" the man asked again and this time Lisa looked at him "Are you ok?"

"Yes, sorry. It's been a long difficult journey and I'm really tired" she said. It was the true, just not the whole of it.

"I understand" the little man said with a warm smile "I'm sorry for being rude but can I see you badge, please?"

Lisa nodded and handed him her still shining badge. She had been trained for Fury himself and when the HYDRA chaos had started and she had found herself alone she had noticed her badge had started shining. It hadn't taken her ten minutes to figure out that the numbers were longitude and latitude coordinates. Arriving to the place, that had been a totally different story. The man in suit observed the item before handing it back to her satisfied.

"Welcome to Providence, agent Hastings. I'm agent Phil Coulson" he said extending his hand and she shook hands with him firmly "and I'm in charge here, though we are in close connection with Agent Hill, wherever is that she is right now. And here's Agent Triplett" the black man nodded with a polite smile in his lips "Agent Haykes" he waved with his head "and Agent May".

The asian woman didn't move, just stared into Lisa's eyes showing no emotion at all, but no one seemed to notice it except from the woman, who stared back at her for a second longer before turning back to Coulson. She vaguely heard him telling her about being happy to have her with them because she was still feeling Melinda's penetrating gaze on her. And for a moment she feared that being in that place would be more difficult that surviving HYDRA by her own.

As soon as Coulson took Lisa to show her the facility, Melinda May kept her gun and locked herself up in her room. The room was small but it was ok because it only had one bed so she didn't have to share it with anyone like other agents had to. She started pacing in the little spare space she had, running her right hand through her hair and clenching her left fist. It couldn't be, it just couldn't be. She could feel the fear and the anxiety fulfilling her cells and she took several deep breaths to calm herself down. Eventually she had to stopped pacing and sat on her bed because the memories and the feelings were simply too much and her legs had begun shaking.

She hadn't known anything of Lisa for so long…

She closed her eyes and allowed her mind to travel in time back to those days when Lisa and her had been in Shield Academy together, back when she had felt captivated for those caramel eyes and that big bright smile that could illuminate a room. They had met in their second month in the Academy and had become best friends almost immediately. Melinda thought it had been Lisa's intelligence and good heart and something about her belly laugh what had first attracted her but she really couldn't tell. She just knew that somehow Lisa had seen through the shield Melinda had always had around herself and decided that she liked her. They had been study mates, fighting mates, roommates and teammates and everyone at the Academy had known where it was one, was the other. The other recruits had known they couldn't fool with them when they were together, and while Lisa had been nice to talk to, friendly and quite a joker, Melinda had been the quietest and also the scariest one. Not that she had been mean or aggressive, in fact she was nice and quite a pranker herself, but she hadn't been that talkative with those who weren't her friends and no one ever had dared to mess with her. Back in the Academy Melinda had enjoyed the way people stared at her when she did her fighting exercises and how they talked about her tactical skills. Everyone had thought she was intelligent and strong and she was going to become an unbeatable agent. They had been so wrong.

May managed to stay away from the other agents most of the day. There was a corner of the gym that she had closed and transformed in her Tai Chi room and that was where she spent the afternoon hours, moving slowly trying to reconnect her body and her mind, leaving the heart outside. No one ever bothered her when she was there; they knew better than that. The only person that had dared to invade that sacred space of hers had been Lisa, ages ago, when the both of them were still recruits. May used to practice Tai Chi in their shared dorm because she needed something to keep her balance in that crazy world she was getting into. Sometimes she felt someone tiptoeing into the room and placing behind her. When that happened Melinda used to slow down her movements and could feel how the other person moved with her, almost touching her but still far away. She never repeated her routine but the other person seemed to know exactly what she was going to do every single time. And when she was almost finishing her routine the other person would place a soft kiss on her shoulder as if they knew that the end was coming. It felt comfortable and made Melinda felt safe and cared. It had been good times. It made her wanna cry…

But Melinda May didn't cry. Frustrated she opened her eyes and took a second to recognized where she was and reconnect with the situation before leaving to have a shower. Lisa wasn't there at the six o'clock meeting but even when she knew that would change soon she relaxed a little bit. When Coulson finished listening all the reports and felt satisfied with them all the agents moved to the large dining room. May scanned the place rapidly, identifying where all the agents that matter were like she always did, before sitting next to Skye silently. By the time she stepped in Coulson was already at the furthest end of the room talking to Triplett while they ate their dinner. Haykes was a couple of seats to their left talking to a man and a woman sitting in front of him; they were European agents but May didn't remember anything remarkable about them. Fitzsimmons and Skye were sitting close to the door talking non-stop about something May didn't get interested in; Lisa was nowhere to be seen. But when the three younger agents turned their heads to look at something behind her May straightened herself and turned around slowly, already knowing what (who) she was going to find.

"Hey, hello" Simmons said sweetly to the woman standing close to them and May felt how her muscles tensed because of the proximity "You must be the newcomer, I think no one introduced us. I'm Agent Jemma Simmons, bio-chemist" she introduced herself and the blonde woman nodded in acknowledgement "This is Agent Leopold Fitz, engineer" the young man smiled at the woman "Agent Skye" the girl smiled when hearing the word 'agent' directed to her "our most expert hacker and this is Agent Melinda May".

The two older woman stared into each other's eyes like they had done earlier and the younger agents could tell something was happening even when they had no clue about what it could be. Simmons gasped, trying to catch the newcomer's attention again.

"Excuse me my lack of good manners. I'm Agent Lisa Hastings" the woman said looking at Simmons again, who smiled brightly.

"We know" she said almost happily and May couldn't help but think that Simmoms was one of the most joyful people she knew "Welcome Agent Hastings. You can bring a chair and sit with us, this pasta is delicious"

"There's no need" May said getting up, her plate still full of pasta; there was no way she was staying there making small talk to Lisa "I was just leaving"

"But…" Simmons began but Skye shook her head slightly and Simmons closed her mouth. The three young agents watched the asian woman go, each one with their own thoughts, before turning back to Agent Hastings.

"Forgive Agent May" the young bio-chemist said "She's a great person, not to mention a great agent, but most of the time she's so far beyond our comprehension..." she sighed dramatically.

"I know" Lisa said quietly like it wasn't news to her, sitting in the chair May had been sitting previously and ignoring the inquisitive stare of the three younger agents "I used to know her, back when we were recruits".

"Really?!"

"What?"

"You totally have to tell us about that!" the three agents said at the same time but Lisa shook her head slightly.

"I don't think she would like that" Lisa replied grabbing a clean plate and serving herself some food.

"Oh but she's not going to find out" Skye said secretly and Lisa laughed almost sadly.

"Oh she always knows"

The three agents decided it was best to drop the subject and went back to their previous conversation about drones, leaving Agent Hastings alone with her thoughts.

Lisa wouldn't admit it but she had been staring at May for a little while before the three young agents noticed her. When her badge had started shining she never thought she was going to find a shelter, a survivor cell of Shield and May all at the same time. It had been odd, seeing her again, and she must admit that May ignoring her hurt a lot more than she had guessed it could. But she couldn't blame her, not really. Even when student, May had never had a weakness, except from her. And she knew May would like to stay as far as she could from the only thing that could make her a complete mess. The only thing that could turn a whole situation against her and make fail to herself and to the organization, especially in those difficult times. Lisa didn't know if she still had that effect in May but she was sure that May wasn't willing to check it, just in case.

Lisa wished they could be friends but she doubted it. She just knew May quite too well.

"_Everyone keeps saying you're so strong and blabla but I think you're kind of weak" Lisa bothered her one night their second year in Shield Academy. They were in the Academy fields relaxing after a long day of training, both of them lying in the soft green grass even when it was rather cold._

"_Shut up" Melinda responded. She didn't sound offended, though._

"_So prove it" Lisa said to her, sitting up "Carry me on your back to prove me you're strong"_

_Melinda laughed and rose herself on her elbow._

"_Lisa, that's gonna prove nothing. You're light as a feather"._

"_C'mon Melinda, carry me in your back" Lisa pleaded and even with the dim moonlig Melinda could tell that her friend was doing something that looked a lot like pouting._

_"You're childish. No"_

_Lisa became serious again and changing her approach she looked at her with malice._

"_Oh I get it. You don't wanna lose"Lisa mocked her._

"_You're talking nonsense"_

"_Whatever you said"_

_Melinda huffed and got up, offering her back to her friend silently. Lisa almost squealed and jumped on her friend's back, who carried her around the field for a couple of minutes._

"_See? I'm strong" Melinda said shortly and she could sense Lisa smiling. What Melinda couldn't predict was Lisa kissing her lightly on her cheek, the dark blonde hair tickling her in her ear, before the woman jumped off of her back._

"_I knew you weren't that strong. Seems you have a soft spot for me" the blonde said nonchalantly walking towards the building. Melinda shook her head and followed her friend inside._

After dinner Lisa said goodbye to Simmons, Fitz and Skye and went to the shared bedroom Coulson had assigned to her to get her laptop; even when the man had said that everyone had to be at the daily meeting at eight in the morning she didn't feel like sleeping yet, so she went to the living room to read for a while. She wasn't surprised at all when she found many of the agents were there entertaining themselves but she ignored them all; even when she was usually a people person she really wasn't in the mood for company that night. She needed something to help her forget that Melinda May was there, still beautiful and still sheltered, sleeping somewhere in that facility but completely out of her reach.


	3. Chapter 3

**Nothing Like Us. Chapter 3.**

"Are you ok, Agent Hastings?" Lisa lifted her head from her laptop to see the young hacker looking worriedly at her and nodded vaguely "Because you don't seem find at all"

"I'm ok" Lisa answered distractedly. She had abandoned her reading and was sitting at the living room table supposedly working on her laptop but the reality was she was deep lost in her thoughts and the hacker sitting next to her seemed to have noticed it.

"If you say so…." the young woman replied before going back to her own business and Lisa thought that wasn't a comment a proper agent would made. But she wasn't going to point that because she wasn't in the mood and because she had heard the hacker was a member of Coulson's team.

So was Melinda.

She tried to refocus in the task in hand. Coulson hadn't assigned her an assignment yet but since she didn't know how to do nothing she had intended to continue the task she had been doing before HYDRA raising, which was trailing a Cyberteck high level member which was directly related to the Centipede project. She had been so close to caught him in Praga but the man had vanished in the air before she could reach him so she was back in step zero. It didn't matter, though; like Romanoff, she was mostly a loner agent and she was implacable, and she was determined to amend her failure.

But in that moment her mind was very far from that subject so she just closed her laptop and took a moment to look around. The hacker was actively working on something, her brows furrowed because of the concentration. Two young men were running in the treadmills that were placed in front of the huge TV talking animatedly and in the large couch two agents that Lisa placed as the bio-chemist and the black agent from her arrival were chatting while watching a talk-show distractedly. Lisa bit her bottom lip unconsciously; all Shield's common rooms look alike and she couldn't help but recall her time at the Academy.

_It was the weekend off and the dorms biulding at the Shield Academy was almost empty because most of the recruits had left to spend some days at their houses. The ones who hadn't were in a trip to the city, all except from Lisa and Melinda, who had preferred to stay in. Melinda's mother was in a mission so Melinda hadn't found a reason to flight back home and Lisa had felt that maybe her friend would like the company, so she had stay too. They were at the building living room running in the treadmills competing to see who run more miles in thirty minutes. It was a tough fight because Melinda was faster but Lisa had larger legs._

"_Ok, I'm calling this off" Lisa said gasping and slowing her pace "I think I'm about to have a heart attack"_

_Melinda remained serious even when she knew Lisa was joking and acting all drama queen just to make her laugh._

"_You're not having a heart attack. And if you stop, then you'll never know how much faster than you I am" Melina smirked towards her and Lisa huffed._

"_You're impossible"_

_Melinda laughed and Lisa accelerated her pace once more. When the thirty minutes came to an end they were exhausted and all sweaty and heated. They looked at their numbers: Melinda had run half a mile further than Lisa and the dark blonde woman wasn't happy about that._

"_Vaguely enough to say you're better than me" Lisa puffed trying to encompass her rapid breathing. Melinda laughed with the little air she had._

"_If ours lives depended on that half mile, then you'll be dead" the young asian woman said mockingly and Lisa limited to stared at her. It was a second and then she felt something inside her. Her eyes opened wide in shock and her cheeks turned red and she turned around to hide her suddenly flushed face but Melinda noticed it anyways._

"_Breathe" the asian said still mocking her "because you're face is already red"_

_Lisa bit her bottom lip because she felt short of air but it wasn't because of the running. It was because she had been there staring at her best friend and out of nowhere she had found her incredibly... hot. She had always thought Melinda was a beautiful and sexy woman, every man and woman at the Academy thought that, it was just that in that moment, with Melinda breathing heavily because of the exercise and her toned muscles all shiny because of the sweat, Lisa was thinking something else. She could feel something dangerously close to the excitement running through her body and she tensed up._

"_Are you ok'?" Melinda asked her looking at her between worriedly and amused and Lisa guessed her friend had been talking to her but she hadn't been listening._

"_Ye-yeah, why?" Lisa replied doing her best to recompose herself but failing completely. There was something in Melinda's deep dark eyes that was setting her alight and she didn't know how to stop the process. Didn't know if she wanted to try it either._

_Melinda put her hands on her waist and looked at her mischievously._

"_Because you're staring at me like you'll jump on me at any second" the brunette said stepping forward, a covert cocky tone in her voice, and smiled wider when Lisa took a step back. She was trying to think straight but their close proximity was making it quite difficult. Melinda messing with her wasn't helping either. _

_Until that moment Lisa had never questioned her sexuality but in that precise instant all she wanted to do was kiss Melinda. _

_Judging for the shine in Melinda's eyes the woman knew she was playing with fire and was enjoying it. So Lisa said the only thing that came to her mind. The only thing that she wanted. And the only thing that would sound like a challenge to May, so it would troubled her enough to the point of not knowing if Lisa had meant it or not._

"_Kiss me" Lisa defied her._

_Melinda twisted her head slightly to the left before closing the distance that was separating them with a firm step and pressing her lips against Lisa's without hesitation._

...

May felt like she was a ticking bomb. She hated feeling that way because she knew too well all a ticking bomb could do was explode and she certainly didn't like the things that happened when she exploded. So as soon as she got up from the dinner table she went to the gym to practise some Tai Chi. She managed to relax a little bit; it wasn't as much as she would have liked but she guessed it was the best she could do that night so when she finished her routine she gathered her things and headed to her room. Being Coulson's right hand had her benefits: she didn't have to share her room. She couldn't be more gladly about it, especially in times like those.

Only that when she arrived to her dorm, the door in front of hers opened and Haykes stepped out.

"Nice to finally find you Melinda" the man said in a professional tone and pointed to her dorm with his head "Mind if I come in?"

Melinda shook her head reluctantly, opened her door and followed him inside. She turned the lights on and turned to face him.

"What do you want Haykes?" she blurted out.

"You know what I want" he said, all his professionalism vanished.

"Not today" Melinda said looking emotionless. She opened one of her drawer to find some fresh clothes to change into.

"But May…" the man protested "I'm leaving in a mission in less that forty-eight hours. It's the perfect excuse, the perfect time..."

"No" May said firmly barely raising her voice. The man extended his arm to touch her but the woman removed her arm violently "No".

He was going to said something more but a knock in the door interrupted him.

...

Lisa didn't stay in the living room for much longer, chased for the ghost of Melinda and her's memories, so she said a general goodbye to everyone and headed back to her room with her laptop under her arm, feeling Skye's gaze following her until she was out of sight. When she turned into the dorm's hallway she heard voices coming from behind one of the nearest doors; she didn't pay too much attention to them until she could recognised Melinda's cold tone. Lisa froze instantly, the brusqueness in Melinda's voice alerting her senses.

It seemed that Melinda was fighting with a man over something. For some reason Lisa preferred not to think about she had a bad feeling. When she heard Melinda's second 'No' Lisa knocked on the door without giving it a second thought.

The door was opened violently and Lisa found an angry Melinda behind it. But it was just a second; as soon as the asian woman recognized her, her features changed and she revealed nothing but cold indifference. Lisa knew it was a mask (it has to be) but it hurt anyway. She tried looking inside the room but May intentionally blocked her view.

"What?" Melinda asked her abruptly.

Lisa guessed it was a bad idea saying she was overhearing the two agents fight so she improvised.

"Nothing… I can come back later if I'm interrupting something" she said trying her best to sound distant. She was a good actress, she really was, but nothing was the same when she was near Melinda. That was the biggest difference between the two women: Melinda could pretend but Lisa was a mess when it came to hiding how she was feeling from her.

"You are" a male voice answered steadily from inside at the same time that Melinda answered too "You're not… Agent Haykes was just leaving"

Lisa looked inside the room just in time to see an incredulously look in Haykes's eyes just before he composed himself.

"Right" he snorted when May opened the door wider for him to leave "Goodnight ladies".

As soon as Haykes left May closed the door behind Lisa and looked at her with her unreadable black eyes. She was sweaty and looked slightly flustered. Lisa fought hard to shut up her mind when it started noticing how Melinda's chest was moving rapidly under her close-fitting clothes.

"What do you want?" the asian said and Lisa found it hard to reply. What did she want? She just had heard voices that sounded like fighting and felt the urge to see if May was ok. Was that a bad thing? Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't… She knew May wasn't going to like that answer but it was the true so she said it anyways.

"Nothing. I was just passing by and heard you fighting with someone. Didn't intend to interrupt but I just needed to see if you were ok" she felt herself shrink and hated herself for that. But what else could she expect? She hadn't seen much less talked to May in ages, it was natural to feel odd and vulnerable around her, right? "Sorry" Lisa mumbled finally.

Melinda run a hand into her hair, visibly frustrated and fighting to contain her emotions. But when she talked her voice sounded a little softer than earlier.

"I'm ok. He just wanted to get laid but I'm not in the mood today"

As soon as the words left her mouth and she saw the shock in Lisa's face Melinda realised what she'd just said. They hadn't seen each other for years and the first thing they mentioned was sex. Just great.

"Oh" was all Lisa could say. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other one without really knowing what to do, the laptop bothering her in her hands.

They stayed silent for a moment not knowing what to say next. Melinda still had her hand in her hair and was looking beyond Lisa while Lisa was looking at her, still trying to figure out how was she feeling. Not good, that was for sure. She just didn't know why.

Wait. She did know why.

Another person touching Melinda, that was why she was feeling not good at all.

"You know…" Lisa begun quietly after a silence that seemed to last forever "I figured you must be sleeping with men and women but you saying that… it makes it real all of sudden and I'm not liking how it feels"

Melinda looked right into Lisa's eyes.

"Men" was all she said.

"What?" Lisa asked confused.

"Men" Melinda repeated shortly. Then she lowered her voice "I only sleep with men. When I felt I was ready I did try to sleep with women just to find out that I couldn't….I couldn't bear thinking of you when I was with them"

The confession felt warm inside Lisa's chest. Melinda looked so little in that moment that all Lisa wanted was to embraced her but she knew she couldn't, the asian would never allow her. It last a second, though, and then May was back into her shield and behind her unreadable mask. So Lisa kept talking instead, even when she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"How long have been you sleeping with him?"

"Since he got here, but there had been others before him" Melinda answered looking into Lisa's eyes "I guessed you've your story too"

Lisa bit her bottom lip and fixed her eyes on the floor. She knew she shouldn't have to but she felt guilty anyways. And she hated the fact that Melinda was reading her like an open book.

"Yeah" she said feeling Melinda's gaze in her "But I didn't sleep with men. After they separated us I started sleeping with woman trying to find one, just one, that made me feel as good and complete as you did. But even when the sex was a bit similar I couldn't make myself care for them. They meant nothing to me. Eventually I stopped trying"

Lisa sounded so resigned and frustrated that it would have broken Melinda's heart if it hadn't been already broken. The asian woman made a tentative move to approach her but the other agent stopped her.

"I should go and let you sleep".

Lisa turned to leave but May called her name and the woman froze in her tracks.

"I'm happy to see with my own eyes that you're ok" Melinda whispered and Lisa nodded and left without turning back. It wasn't what she had been longing to hear but with it wasn't a surprise. Melinda had really never said the right words.

_..._

_It was a warm night of July and Melinda May was at her house in DC trying to concentrate in something besides the idea of Lisa leaving in a mission without her the following day. They had graduated from Shield Academy almost four years ago and they had never been on the field without the other. Melinda had a bad feeling about that Bahrain mission but she forced herself to shake the thought out of her head; it was probably just her protective instinct towards Lisa talking. Even so she would rest better at the end of the day if she knew she was there in case Lisa needed her. _

_Melinda was so lost in her thoughts that she almost missed the bell ringing insistently. She got up from the couch and rushed outside to find Lisa standing on her porch._

"_Hi" Lisa said without moving forward to hug her, much less to kiss her. Even after all those years and all the sex and the jelousy that happened between then, they still weren't the touchy type of friends, Melinda had never allowed it "I supposed I should come to say goodbye. I'm leaving to Bahrain tomorrow"_

_Melinda nodded because she didn't know what else to do._

"_It's rare, you know" Lisa continued softly "leaving without you, I mean"_

"_It was going to happen eventually" Melinda said and she was surprised with how emotionless her own voice sounded even when she felt a knot squeezing her chest. She knew Lisa was hoping more affectionate and reassuringly words but she didn't find the courage to pronunce them. The dark blonde woman sighed almost as she knew those words weren't coming._

"_I know. It didn't make it easier, though"_

_May looked into Lisa's eyes, still incapable of moving even when she was dying to hug her tight. It was what she always did: control her impulses even when all she wanted was to give in. The only time she had given in, she had ended up sleeping with Lisa and hadn't been able to stop since then. She couldn't risk needing one more simple thing because she feared it would be the end of her._

_Despite her need of a clean goodbye Melinda couldn't help but hugged Lisa back when the blonde stepped forward to embrace her. The asian woman took a second to breathe in the scent of Lisa's hair before stepping back. She would swear she heard Lisa sighing in frustration but didn't do anything to acknowledge it. The warm summer breeze ruffled Lisa's dark blonde hair and Melinda thought she was simply flawless._

_They stared into each other's eyes for a little longer before Melinda founded her voice again. _

"_Please come back home" she whispered doing her best for her voice not to break. She didn't knew why everything was being so difficult to her, why she was feeling such strong pain. Bahrain was supposed to be a regular mission, then what was the big deal? She wanted to add 'come back home to me' but she didn't because that simple sentence implicated too many things she didn't want to admit, not even to herself. She still hoped Lisa would understand how much she cared about her._

"_I'm gonna be ok" _

"_I know. But promise me anyway" Melinda insisted._

"_I'll come back home before you can even notice I was away" Lisa reassured her with a little smile and Melinda nodded, satisfied. And with a final sigh Lisa left, both feeling the weight of the unspoken words on their shoulders._

...


End file.
